If you’re lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
By Cyndi Lauper
Time: Do you have the time? I need more time. I’m out of time. Just in time. Time to leave. Time is up. Time travel. Our brains are such an amazing organizer of our personal experiences with an almost limitless number of ways to cross-catalog events for reference and recall. Odor and music, for example, serve as historical bookmark with emotion in real time that allow us to travel back, even many decades, to the moment our brain classified an event.
Today was a step back to the year 2000 as I did my weekly weigh-in which read, 268. That was a sixteen-year trip backwards to just before the dawn of a new century’s “Day of Infamy”. I was working as a Sales and IT Manager for a manufacturing company in Cerritos, California. My self-image has always been shrouded in a bit of denial, so when I stepped on the scale in our shipping department, I fully expected to see myself in the 240-pound range. Much to my surprise, the scale dial sailed past the 240 mark and landed right at 270. Hmm, I thought; perhaps the scale weighs a bit heavy? Yeah, denial comes at a moment’s notice any time it is needed and I’ve avoided scales ever since.
One reason we don’t announce our goals to others is for fear of ridicule if we fail. If no one knows we failed except ourselves; well then, we can forgive that! I know that is why I sat back and watched my best friend work the Wonder Slim program for himself over a year’s time. He became the ‘Selfie King’ with each new pound lost; however, in the back of my mind I kept thinking, yeah, yeah, another ‘diet’. It won’t last. But last it did, and today he looks literally 20 years younger and, with a new marriage, is living an envious life.
I’m a musician and my life is dotted with a soundtrack from every good and painful experience I’ve had. If I ever need to start a good cry all I have to do is recall my mom singing (and mom could really sing well) I’ll Be Home for Christmas – if only in my dreams. I’m taken back instantly and filled with longing for her to still be here; only this time, I’d sing with her instead of rolling my eyes and saying “oh, mother”.
At age 61, I’m acutely aware that my timecard is closer to being punched now than in the year 2000, when it seemed I had the world well in hand. Now, I’m thankful for each day to unravel twenty years of believing I was going to live for a very long time and worry about my weight at a later time.
My goal is to travel back to just this side of 1978. I weighed 250-pounds and had to loose 40-pounds to be accepted in the U.S. Navy at 210. I drank gallons of water and ate mostly salad as I worked in, of all places, a Mexican Food restaurant cooking everything from scratch. I was very motivated to move forward in time then, and I am equally motivated to move back in time now. Time is your time. Welcome back.